Me Submerged

APRIL 18, 2010


Just in the nick of time……….once again…..funny how things seem to work that way…just when we need it most and not a minute before! LOL

Our income tax refund landed in our bank account yesterday. I am grateful!

Not only will it keep us afloat for another month or so, but I feel ok about re-stocking some art supplies. I’m almost completely out of thalo blue….can’t paint those skies without it!

And pickin’s are getting really slim for anything to paint on.

And Michael’s is having a big sale today!

My plan is to get enough canvases to last me till the show at Holy Trinity Monastery. Since I’m averaging about 4-5 paintings per week, I will need quite a few. I am thinking, though, of getting at least one gigantic canvas….a sofa size one. That should keep me busy for a while.

Oh…and I also plan to be continue feeling extremely grateful for that money in our bank account.

AUTOMATIC PILOT: I’ve been thinking a lot about that since reading a lesson in awareness in WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE.

How much of our life is spent that way? How many things do we do out of sheer habit? How many feelings do we have because of some reactionary emotional patterns we’ve developed and held onto?

Could our habitual, automatic pilot thinking be A cause…or THE cause of a life full of ‘sameness’ ?

I guess if we want something different, it behooves us to take our minds off of automatic pilot and be more aware of moment by moment choices in how we think, feel and act.

APRIL 22, 2010

On the way home from Michael’s, I had a glimmer of an idea for a painting. Ever since, I have been completely submerged in brilliant color! I’m loving it. I’m too busy…and happy…to spend any time writing words in a journal! LOL

April 23, 2010

I saw on tv yesterday that one of my long-time customers was killed in a car wreck, along with her 4 year old granddaughter.

I worked for a home grocery provider for about 12 years. Over those years, I developed some pretty close relationships with several of my customers.

Three of them are good friends to this day.

Lorrie Schlect was in her 50’s.

I am pretty sure that Lorrie had other plans for her day. A driver who ran a red light changed her plans…permanently.

Also in the car, was Lorrie’s pregnant daughter. She and her baby are ok….so to speak. Her child and her mother are both dead. She’ll probably never really be ok again.

I wouldn’t really think of her as a friend…more an acquaintance…nevertheless, for some reason, her death really got to me.

This morning, I got an e-mail that my cousin, Gerald, had died. We weren’t really close..hadn’t seen each other in many years. But he’s the first of our generation to go and that really brought some hard, cold facts straight home. We…my contemporaries….are getting up there in age. Death is going to be a more frequent visitor to our ranks.

About an hour later, I got a call that an old friend had lost her battle with cancer. Again, we hadn’t seen each other in many years. We had not even been in regular contact until we both wound up on facebook. But this one was a real blow. At one time, Margie was my best friend. We had so much fun together. She initiated me in the wonderful pastime of arrowhead hunting. We would trek through the Texas Panhandle fields and sand hills searching for precious treasure. We shared an interest in crafts. And one night, our families sat on our deck and watched something happening in the sky that has remained unexplained to this day. UFO’s.??? Could be.

That one did me in. I caved. I cried. It hurt.

April 26, 2010

I feel like the car-chasing dog. I caught the car. Now what do I do with it?

The car I caught is a whole series of paintings which began as a very small seed of an idea I had driving home from Michael’s just over a week ago. A week? Can that be true?

By gollies, it is true!

In one week, I have begun four paintings…all done to various stages of completion..or incompletion…all with the same theme of brilliant, saturated Mexican- flavored colors.

Since Michael’s didn’t have any of the big canvases I wanted, I took advantage of an on-line dealer’s great sale and ordered six 2’ x 3’ canvases. They should arrive tomorrow. My intent is to also get one of those painted with the same theme.

All of this needs to be done before the Holy Trinity Monastery art show which is coming up in two weeks.

WHEW!!!!!!!!!

Here’s where I am with these paintings as of this morning. I still have lots and lots to do on them. And I have to come up with another idea for the bigger canvas.

Wish me luck!!!

PS...I need a name for this series.  Any ideas??????

Today, I am so grateful for lovely, luscious color!

CATCHING UP

While I'm 'away', I'm keeping a journal.

Some of it is just too pitiful and whiney and depressing, so I won't be sharing that part with you.  Arent' you grateful?

But..here's some that I will share.

APRIL 16, 2010


I’m painting edges. I really don’t like painting edges!

Some smart somebody started making canvases which are stapled to the wood stretchers on the back instead of the side. That means that a painting can be hung without a frame. That works well with some paintings. But, in my opinion, most paintings really look much better with a frame. In fact, almost of mine would look better in a frame.

Nevertheless, since my canvases are of the gallery wrap type, I MUST paint the edges.

Have I mentioned, I really don’t like painting the edges!

Why, you might ask, do I buy canvases with edges which must be painted? Because that’s the only ones I can find, in the size I want, on sale, at my Michael’s store.

On sale…those are the operative words.

Starving artists are all about ‘on sale.’

You might also ask, what’s so bad about painting the edges?

You might be thinking, why doesn’t she just paint the edges as she paints the canvas front?

Well…

Because.

Because I often don’t really know exactly where I’m going with a particular part of a painting until it’s nearly finished. So, if I paint the edges as I go, they might just wind up wrong.

But mostly, it’s because I forget. I’ve painted for years with no thought of having to paint the edges. Change is hard.

So, I’m painting edges…and might very well go over the edge here in a minute.

APRIL 17, 2010

I’m digging through all my unsold paintings and trying to salvage something by either completely painting over them or by making some changes and/or additions to what I’d already done.

Yesterday, sick and tired of painting edges, I grabbed one of my old canvases on which I had ‘played’ with many layers of textured paint. Something rather magical happened.

I finished the painting of a mountain waterfall in record time and I really like the results.

Then, I started one with the figure of a woman looking into a store window. Of course, I have no reference picture to go by, so it’s not going very well. Again, of course. Why do I keep doing such a thing! I love the idea and might just put this one away until I get lucky enough to run across a photo with a woman in that exact pose. Ha!

Today, I am doing a small one…an 8 x 10 with an evening sky and some yucca plants. They are a nice change from saguaros. So far, it’s looking rather good. Maybe Mom is helping me paint this one.  My mother loved yucca plants!

I slept well again last night. I am grateful for what I’ve learned about stilling my mind.

In WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE, the author writes about really being in the moment…really being aware. He suggests you consider the very moment you are in as though ‘it is the best it will ever be.’ It took me a while to ‘get’ this, but what I came away with is that if you really believed that, I think you would become sharply aware of absolutely every sensation you are having and truly lose yourself in each experience. What you are feeling..inside and outside your body or the emotions you are having….What you are seeing…in minute detail…What you can smell…How the very air is moving through your nostrils or on your skin.  The tiny flicker of  your eyelash when you blink.

What is the result of this awareness? For one thing, it’s been a complete relaxation leading to a deep sleep, when I’ve done it at night in bed. I haven’t done it too much in the day time. Perhaps I should.

Another result is something quite profound.  So profound, in fact, that I can't even begin to find words to describe it.

APRIL 17, 2010 EVENING

I am somewhat pleased with the little yucca painting….YUCCA ROAD…I’m calling it.

There were parts of it that were pretty difficult. I painted and re-painted the sky multiple times. That is what I am the most displeased about, even after all my efforts. That and the smallest yucca which is flat-dab in the middle of the canvas vertically. There is SO much to watch for and try to avoid doing if you want to do a well executed painting.

I guess that’s what separates the men from the boys.

Or the girls from the women.

Or the artists from the painters.

Sigh.

In a few days, I will probably have another post for you.  I'm working on some paintings that are scary and wonderful!  They're scary because they really have the potential to be wonderful even after I've finished them.  My paintings often start out as 'wonderful' and end up as not so wonderful.

Once again, I sigh.

Keep your fingers crossed for these paintings that they may continue 'wonderful.'

I'm grateful for you guys...every one of you!

THE SOUND OF MUSIC

Yesterday, I watched a PBS celebration of Pete Seeger’s 90th birthday.


What memories all those songs brought back.

And it got me to thinking about music and how much it has shaped my life…how much it has meant to me.

Then, I realized, that I have hardly mentioned music in this blog. How has that happened?



Music.

I hardly know where to start. Because I don’t remember a time in my life when music wasn’t nearly as close to a ‘constant’ as breathing.

On my mother’s side of the family, it was a given that one had musicality. Every one of us had good voices. Every one of us could harmonize as easily as we could…well, breathe.

I think my life has spanned a time when there was more diversity in music than at any other time in history.

Consider the simplicity of such songs as MOCKINGBIRD HILL. Or HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW!

Think about the complexity of SOPHISTICATED LADY or SATIN DOLL.

…the pain and agony of CRY ME A RIVER or BLACK COFFEE.

….the absolute silliness of TIPTOE THROUGH THE TULIPS and PURPLE PEOPLE EATER…or ITSY BITSY, TEENIE-WEENIE YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI.

….the raunchiness of HEARBREAK HOTEL or PROUD MARY.

…the majesty of Handel’s MESSIAH…….

…the sweetness of AMAZING GRACE…….

….the down-home feeling of COUNTRY ROADS…
…….Blues, Be-Bop, Rock ‘n’ Roll, Jazz, Country, Rock-a-Billy, Classical, Spirituals, Opera, Big Band, Folk songs and Protest songs, Soul, Rap, Heavy Metal, Punk rock…and some, I probably am oblivious to at my advanced age.

The thing is that I have loved music with a passion.

It has stirred me and soothed me.

It has molded my mind…and then changed it.

It has made me laugh and cry

………..and dance in joyous abandon.

It has given me glimpses into the mysteries of the Universe.

One night, I swear, I heard a massive choir of Heavenly Hosts singing ‘ALLELEUJIAHS’ just for me.

I can count, on one hand, the foods I dislike. I could probably do the same about music styles.

I find Willie Nelson and Pavarotti to be equally wonderful. I think that makes me one lucky woman.

And I am so very grateful for the sound of music!

NEVER ON SUNDAY-4/11/2010

 PEACE and BEAUTY

LIGHT AND LOVE

IT FEELS SO GOOD

...to feel good again!

I still have my moments, but for the most part, I'm back to normal....or to whatever passes for 'normal' with me.

I've been painting.  Anyday I feel like painting is a good day, for sure!

Wanna see?

This one is of the high desert area around Tucson featuring Century plants.  Soon, they'll start putting on blooms, but not quite yet.

HIGH DESERT

16 x 20 acrylic on canvas

This is what finally happened to my little timed painting I did from the photo friend Gini shared with me.

I would love to spend the day right here!

COUNTRY CREEK

14 x 18 acrylic on canvas

And this one looks like an inviting place to take a walk.  I'm not quite finished with it and I haven't come up with a name for it, but it's 16 x 20, acrylic on canvas.

Our beautiful weather is tempting me to go outdoors and try to make my back yard beautiful again.  But I have to paint, too. 

HAVE to!

And you know what?

I am extremely GRATEFUL for that compulsion!!!

P.S.  Obviously, the automatic publishing option is not working.  I'm sorry this is so late getting posted!

A COUPLE OF THINGS TO SHARE

A friend recently turned me on to an artist's website and I just have to share it with you.


The guy, Roger Bansemer, is a really good landscape painter, so there's lots of great paintings to enjoy. But what I love the most is his big collection of on-site painting videos. They are the best I've found on the internet. They are nice and long. You really get to see how his paintings happen. Also, his wife does a portion of the video in which she takes viewers on a 'tour' of whatever spot they happen to be in.

I am more than a little envious of their adventures. They travel, all over the U.S., in a motorhome, searching out interesting places for him to paint.
That is my dream life.

I guess I need to keep buying those lottery tickets so hubby and I can do the same thing.

In the meantime, I'll keep watching these videos and living vicariously through them.

Each video is about 30 minutes long, so save them for when you have that much time. If you are a painter, or even a wannabe painter, I bet you will be as inspired by them as I am.

Here's the link.

http://www.bansemer.com/painting_live/demonstration.html



On another note.

I saw a very thought provoking bumpersticker yesterday.

It read:

"Who would Jesus bomb?"

I don't care what your political or religous persuasion is, that question is a good one, don't you think?


Go forth and bomb the world with LOVE today, ok?


And for heaven's sake, BE GRATEFUL!

OH HAPPY DAY!

Whoops...another one that I thought I had set to publish automatically.

Wednesday,  April 7th

I'm so excited!

My younger son will be here for supper in an hour or so!  I haven't seen him in quite a while and I can hardly wait to hug him.  And feed him.

He has a wife who feeds him quite well, but Mom gets that privelege tonight.

He's in Tucson for work, for a couple of weeks, so hopefully we will be able to get together several times while he's here.

This visit came as a surprise.  But for once, I am prepared because yesterday was grocery shopping day.  The menu is a pork roast cooked with potatos, onions and carrots...filling, delicious and super-easy.  And................

..........strawberry shortcake for dessert!

I was cutting up the strawberries earlier today and wishing they were a tad riper.  I should have known they'd be nothing like those sweet, red berries I picked and plopped straight into my mouth when I was a kid in Colorado.  No sugar was needed for those sun-ripened jewels.

Strawberries.
Shrimps.
Avacados.

All the proof you need that God exists!

A neighbor dropped by a few minutes ago bearing gifts...

Cherry tomatoes!

Oh My!

I am grateful for so much on this good day!

UNDERWHELMING

My back yard and patio have been a source of great pleasure for me...and many visitors...over the years.  It was always pleasant and pretty.  Unique and interesting.  A place of refuge that I took great pride in.

"WAS" is the operative word.

It has become more shabby than chic.  Paint is peeling.  Fabrics have faded.  Pots are disintegrating.  Weeds are abundant.  Grass is sparse.

It has become underwhelming.

And overwhelming.

I am feeling  overwhelmed by all the work and money needed to bring it back from the state it is now in, to its' former glory.  And I wonder if that will ever happen.

I don't have the resources to do it.  Not the physical strength and stamina, nor the extra dollars that we used to spend on it.

And yet, I feel a strong sense of obligation to our back yard and patio.  It's almost as if it's an 'entity' with a heart...not just a 'space.'  It has given me immeasurable pleasure, peace and solace over the years.  And memories.  Oh!  The memories.

When I moved into this house, the back yard consisted of a tiny 'porch', a chain link fence, a badly placed palm tree which was growing right under the foundation, one ocotillo and dirt.  I wish I had a good 'before' picture.  I'll dig around and see what I can find to show you.

It took years of hard work on a shoe-string budget to create what we had. 

It took a much shorter time to disintegrate into what it is now.

One debilitating illness.  One shattered wrist.  One lost job.

Things change, don't they?

I am writing this on Easter Sunday morning.

Easter.  All about resurrection.  All about new life.

Perhaps I just need to change my perspective.  Perhaps I need to have a new look.  Perhaps I should forget about what our back yard used to be and ask it what it wants to be now-today.

Maybe, like me, it just wants to settle in to a slower pace.

Maybe, like me, it doesn't care that it shows its age.

Maybe, like me, it is ready for a season of rest.

Maybe so.

My little bit of Mother Earth has nurtured me in direct proportion to the nurturing I have given her.

WHOA NELLIE!

Where did that sentence come from?

I think that is the end of this days entry.

I have some thinkin' to do.

I will go sit on my patio to do it.

I will sit and Be....

Grateful!

YOU'D THINK I'D LEARN

I've been in Tucson for nearly 20 years.

I've lived in a house with a yard for most of those years.

I've been an avid gardener the whole time.

Over the weekend, we finally got after the weed/bermuda grass jungle which appeared in our front yard after all our winter rains.

The front yard is mostly gravel. In Tucson, the cost of keeping both our front yard and back yard in grass would be prohibitive anway, but our little house has a sort of circle drive in front. The gravel mulch does help to keep unwanted flora at bay but there are definitely some problem areas.

It's not really the weeds that are the big problem. It is the dadgum Bermuda grass! The stuff is rampantly invasive! Any area which gets a bit of moisture will quickly produce a tangle of Bermuda grass which can only be controlled by regular applications of toxic chemicals. That, too, can get prohibitively expensive.

So, in the Spring, we cut down and pull out as much of it as we can and then start with the spraying.

One area in the front is 'decorated' thusly.

I wanted one Santa Rita Prickly Pear cactus because the blooms are awesome, but mostly because I love their winter color.  These are in the couryard at De Grazia's Gallery.

Many years ago, I pulled a couple of pads from a plant in someone's front yard and plopped them into a pot of gravelly dirt and basically, forgot about them. This is what they have become. You can barely see the pot they are in.

This is what it looked like last year.

Anywho.....there were some stray Bermuda grass runners all around the pot and that wouldn't do. So I...with my bare hand....stupidly began pulling out the grass. I do this same stupid thing every Spring. And every Spring, I am painfully reminded that hiding in the gravel are the remains of last years Prickly Pear fruit. All withered and shriveled. And completely covered with microscopic 'thorns' called 'glochids.

Glochids are tiny, finely barbed hair-like spines. And they hurt.

I spent most of the evening hours trying to get all those little devils out of my fingertips.

OUCH!

I'm grateful they are gone now.
Mostly.

I AM ANGRY!

And sick.

A fellow blogspot blogger and occasional commenter on SKaySpeak, recently posted about yet another horrific incidence of violence toward a woman done, of course, by a man who 'loved' her.

This woman, was a woman, just barely.  She was 19.   She was the daughter of Cindy/artandsoul's good friends.  She was shot by her 19 year old boyfriend on March 27th.  She died on Good Friday.

Of all the travesties and tragedies in this world we live in, this on-going danger to women and children, from male human beings is the one that is the hardest for me to comprehend!

I am grateful for loving hearts, such as Cindy's.  For it is only from support of such friends, that vicitim's families could possibly take that long, hard walk to anything remotely resembling healing.


http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/anngrosmaire/mystory

NEVER ON SUNDAY-4/4/2010

I WISH THEY KNEW

Over the years, I have found a few paintings at yard sales etc., which I really like. Often, when I look at them, I wonder about the person who painted them. Who were they? Were they 'serious' artists or Sunday painters just having some fun.


Whatever their reason for painting these pictures, I'm so glad they did because they've given me joy for years.
I wish, somehow, I could tell them so. I wish they knew that someone has appreciated and treasured the work of their hands and heart.

I don't remember where I got this little painting but it's special to me because my mother loved yucca so much. Each time I look at it, it reminds me of my mom. It's signed Robinson.

I love the colors in this one. And the sweetness and serenity 'Grimes' achieved in such a simple composition.

Someone named 'Rogers' painted this large canvas which hangs in my bedroom. It is so soothing...and yet a bit mysterious. I bought it as the finishing touch for my first Tucson apartment.

I can't make out the signature on this little jewel. I bought it in a junk store sale bin for a quarter! It was painted on a piece of an old-fashioned canvas shade. I know it must be a good 50 years old...or even more. I love the subtlety of it. And the poignancy of a lovely painting done on an old window shade scrap!

I wouldn't trade any of these paintings for others which would be 'worth' more, dollar-wise.



They give me pleasure and I would be pleased to think that someday, somewhere, someone will find one of mine-perhaps in a junk store sale bin- take it home and love it, as I love these.



I send gratitude to Robinson, Grimes, Rogers and unknown.

TROUBLED WATERS

Last night, just before bedtime, I got myself in a bit of a dither.

As soon as I laid down in my bed, I knew there was no way sleep was coming anytime soon.

So, I got up, got this book

and randomly opened it.

The page I opened it to was the 'lake' meditation.  He described how even when the lake surface is disturbed and filled with choppy waves, beneath the surface remain calm waters -nestled in the arms of the earth.

I put down the book at set to imagining that deep stillness.  I didn't fight the choppy waves...Instead, I just let them wash over and above me....and I stayed in the space which was calm.  I imagined my body as the lake...settling into the earth's nooks and crannies.

Within moments, I felt a peacefulness.   Those mental choppy waves gradually lessened.  I saw sunlight glinting all over the gentle ripples on the surface.....like bursts of Gratitude, blessing the water. I felt myself nestled in the arms of the earth.  Soon, the surface of the lake was mirror-still....reflecting only beauty.

I slept.

My first attempts at this special kind of stillness came about when I was reading A NEW EARTH.  Later that same year is when I fell and all but pulverized my wrist...including a compound fracture.  I was in enormous pain as my husband drove me to the hospital.  While I was sitting in the car, waiting for him to get a wheelchair for me, it occurred to me that it might be a good time to do some meditating!  Duh!

Within seconds, my pain level went from...let's just say a '9' to about a '4.' 

Not bad.

My "reminder cards" say "When you change your mind, you can change your world."

That is truth.

Either our minds control us or we control our minds.

If we could always remember that...what a difference it would make, wouldn't it?

In A NEW EARTH, Eckhart Tolle said something to this effect.....

It is not the situation which causes our unhappiness.  It's our thoughts about it...which causes our unhappiness.

I believe that.

I am no expert on meditation. I don't even do it regularly. But I am so grateful that I am, at least, aware of its' benefits. And this book...well, I can't imagine one which would be any more helpful in learning to practice meditation.

I am Grateful for the reminder I got last night.

GROSS NATIONAL HAPPINESS

I was channel surfing the other night and ran across a program about Bhutan.


Bhutan? Where's that? I've never heard of it.

I've learned that it is a tiny country, nestled in the Himalayans.

I've learned that it is primarily Buddhist.

I've learned that it has beautiful geography.

But the most amazing thing I learned is that the new, democratic government of this little spot on the planet actually tracks what they call GROSS NATIONAL HAPPINESS.

Believing that it is neither military nor financial power which determines the well-being of a people or a nation, this country seems to be all about achieving a high level of happiness in its' population.

What a concept!

They actually do a census to determine the 'happiness level' of Bhutanese people.

You can read about this unique concept and see the questionnaire used in the census here.

http://www.grossnationalhappiness.com/Default.aspx

Bhutan is not a wealthy country. It isn't even very literate. And further internet research will reveal that there are numerous and very serious societal problems in the country.

Nevertheless, I am intrigued by the whole idea of Gross National Happiness and opposed to Gross National Product.

More and more, I am coming to believe that in each and every moment of our lives, we should be reaching for real wealth...and that is joy.

We should know what gives us true joy...and do it, as often as possible.

We should stop looking for happiness from another person and give it to our own selves.

My friend, Donna, recently watched a movie in which several couples were on a beautiful, tropical island. The women all wanted the men to take them to a particular waterfall. The men were interested in other pursuits and kept putting off the trip to the waterfall. Eventually, one of the women declared, "I'm taking my self to the waterfall!" Of course, then the other women went with her.

The truth is, that we all, eventually, have to take our own selves to the 'waterfall'.

Waiting for someone else to give us happiness...well....it's gonna be a really long wait, I've learned.

We must make our own.

How do we do that?

I think it might have something to do with being grateful. When we are feeling grateful, we are feeling joy. When we are consciously grateful, we are more aware of beauty around us...which, of course, gives us joy. But also, I think it's important to know ourselves well enough to identify things which generate joy within us.

What can I do today to cause joy in my soul?

Let me be aware of what that might be.

Let me pursue it.

Let me be grateful for it.