I’ve written down these first few words.
I’ll have to let it stew around in my head a little longer to see where this leads.
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I wrote the above several weeks ago. So, the stew has been simmering in my head for quite a while now.
Unfortunately, the thought has produced little, if any, results. I struggle with balance. Always have. I have a tendency to go overboard…to go to extremes…to be manically obsessed with one thing or another.
When I’m painting, I want to paint. That’s all.
When I’m writing, I get completely lost in the words.
When I’m reading, I read one book right after another.
When I’m cleaning, I want EVERYTHING cleaned TODAY!
That’s pretty much my pattern about anything and everything you could name.
That means I’m either creating something or cleaning up something. I am never maintaining anything. I’m just not into maintenance. Or the mundane. Like paying bills. Or dusting. Or doing quick pick ups that would make the house more orderly.
There has only been one time in my life that I was a good housekeeper. And I wasn’t just good…I was darn near perfect! Yes! Me….really.
The only thing is that I was doing it because I was desperately trying to create some portion of my life over which I felt I had some control. That is NOT a good reason to clean house.
I admire and envy people who seem to be able to parcel out hours of their day for different purposes. I just don’t know how they do it. And perhaps, truthfully, I don’t want to know how they do it. I suspect it requires some self-discipline. And restraint. Yuck.
Wouldn't that mean that at a given time, I would have to put down my paintbrush...regardless of what wonderful effects it was producing?
And wouldn't I have to stop a flow of words from spilling out at my fingertips when I am working on a blog entry or a poem?
That is just not something I think I want to do.
My mother taught me...or tried ...to do the maintenance first...before beginning the fun stuff. My problem with that is that my creative juices run the free-est (I know that's not a word. Ask me if I care.) and the freshest first thing in the morning. Doing the mundane takes my best energy and turns it into nothing more inspiring than an orderly house. Giving my all to creative endeavors often tires me out before I can get to the mundane. It's a dilemma.
I watched my mom sacrifice her creativity to the god of house cleaing. You know...that whole 'cleanliness is next to Godliness' thing. That and for crying out loud don't let somebody drop in and catch you with your housework not done- 'cause whatwilltheythink? And what 'they' thought was REALLY important!
I had a relative who was known to be a very bad housekeeper. She was much looked down on in the family. I know nothing about that person except that she wasn't a good housekeeper. I'm sure the woman had other qualities besides being a bad housekeeper. As I was growing up, I was 'threatened' with this admonishment whenever I didn't keep my room clean enough. "If you're not careful, you'll grow up to be just like _____!" Apparently, that was about the worst possible outcome for my life!
I don't buy the 'cleanliness is next to godliness' idea. And I would much rather be remembered for something other than my housekeeping abilities...or lack of them. However, I admit I do care what 'they' think and I am not happy when someone drops in on me. I want to make the house 'presentable' before I have company.
I imagine that I will continue with this lack of balance in my life. I suspect that I will paint and read and write while everything around me goes to hell in a hand basket. And then, once every week or so, I’ll turn into a cleaning machine and stay in that mode until I’ve restored order.
And then……….
I’ll start making more messes.
I am grateful that I am at a time in my life when I am free to be as un-balanced as I want!
Unbalanced, yes, but at least I'm not senile. Yet.
