UNDERWHELMING

My back yard and patio have been a source of great pleasure for me...and many visitors...over the years.  It was always pleasant and pretty.  Unique and interesting.  A place of refuge that I took great pride in.

"WAS" is the operative word.

It has become more shabby than chic.  Paint is peeling.  Fabrics have faded.  Pots are disintegrating.  Weeds are abundant.  Grass is sparse.

It has become underwhelming.

And overwhelming.

I am feeling  overwhelmed by all the work and money needed to bring it back from the state it is now in, to its' former glory.  And I wonder if that will ever happen.

I don't have the resources to do it.  Not the physical strength and stamina, nor the extra dollars that we used to spend on it.

And yet, I feel a strong sense of obligation to our back yard and patio.  It's almost as if it's an 'entity' with a heart...not just a 'space.'  It has given me immeasurable pleasure, peace and solace over the years.  And memories.  Oh!  The memories.

When I moved into this house, the back yard consisted of a tiny 'porch', a chain link fence, a badly placed palm tree which was growing right under the foundation, one ocotillo and dirt.  I wish I had a good 'before' picture.  I'll dig around and see what I can find to show you.

It took years of hard work on a shoe-string budget to create what we had. 

It took a much shorter time to disintegrate into what it is now.

One debilitating illness.  One shattered wrist.  One lost job.

Things change, don't they?

I am writing this on Easter Sunday morning.

Easter.  All about resurrection.  All about new life.

Perhaps I just need to change my perspective.  Perhaps I need to have a new look.  Perhaps I should forget about what our back yard used to be and ask it what it wants to be now-today.

Maybe, like me, it just wants to settle in to a slower pace.

Maybe, like me, it doesn't care that it shows its age.

Maybe, like me, it is ready for a season of rest.

Maybe so.

My little bit of Mother Earth has nurtured me in direct proportion to the nurturing I have given her.

WHOA NELLIE!

Where did that sentence come from?

I think that is the end of this days entry.

I have some thinkin' to do.

I will go sit on my patio to do it.

I will sit and Be....

Grateful!