AN OLD DOG LEARNS SOME NEW TRICKS

I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm inviting you into my kitchen today.  However, you're not going to see much of my kitchen this time.  And you won't see it in the future, unless I have it all cleaned up.  That happens rarely, let me assure you.  So, don't hold your breath.

First, let me say this. 

I prevailed upon my poor husband to take these pictures.  He is NOT used to doing such a thing.  So, they are not up to my usual high standards. 

Stop that!  I hear you snorting!

The lighting situation was abominable.  I went nuts trying to make decent color corrections.  This is the best I could do.

Finally, there's this other big problem. 

MY HANDS ARE SHOWING!!!! 

I don't like that one bit.  My hands really are all age-spotted and wrinkled.  And gnarled and chapped.  And needing a manicure in the worst way.  But they aren't purple.  Although they look purple in some of the pictures.  They aren't quite as red as they appear in some of them, either. My dear mother left me two things that I wish she had kept.  One is my wrinkly chicken neck.  The other is those arthritic knobby fingers. Gee thanks, Mom.
 
Oh Dear!  Do I really want to do this?

Sigh.

It's the only way.  So, I'll just throw away every shred of pride and vanity to the four winds and go for it!
You might notice that the picture sizes are sometimes quite different.  That's because if was at all possible, I cropped my hands OUT!

OK...here we go.

I have, at age 64 and 11/12ths, learned two things that I sure wish I'd known many years ago.  I am so pleased about these new tricks, that I want to share them with you.

The first trick, I learned very recently while watching an old Julia Child and Jacques Pepin show.  He suggested that people who have a hard time digesting  bell peppers should simply peel their peppers.  I would hope to never have to peel a peck of them because it is NOT particularly pleasing to do. It's actually pretty difficult.   However, I did it for my 'tater salad.  I'll let you know how that all comes out. 


Or maybe I won't because that might be too much information.

Anyway....here's how I did it!

I used, as Jacques did, an old-fashioned peeler.  Like I said, it's not too easy.  Actually, I found it impossible to do while the pepper was still whole.  So, I cut it in large-ish pieces first.  That worked lots better.  It still took quite a bit of time, though, and if it isn't a big help in the digestability department, I probably won't ever do it again. 

Update:  My digestive system really appreciated this pepper peeling process.  I guess I'll have to continue peeling peppers periodically.

Another update:  For some reason, this persistant, pernicious 'P' alliteration problem has taken up a permanent place in my brain.

I may have to have it surgically removed.

P   P   P

The next trick I'm going to share with you I learned from The Pioneer Woman's blog.  I love the Pioneer Woman.  She rocks!  And she has a brand new cookbook out and you really should get yourself one!  A link to her site is at the very bottom of the page here on SKaySpeak.  Take a look.  But not till you've helped me chop an onion.

Guess what?  PW just blogged again about this very thing!  Look in the cooking section on 11/07/2009.  There it is.  While you're at it, check out her very nice hands.  Her pictures are better than mine but she's got a......oh, never mind.  She's got what she's got and I've got what I've got! 

One more wonderful update!  The Pioneer Woman's Cookbook just hit #1 on the New York Times best seller list!  Way to go, PW!!!

Now, let's chop an onion.

 Please, don't laugh at my hands. Pretty please?

Step One

Cut your onion in half length-wise.  Like this.

Step Two.

Determine which end is the bottom.....

The bottom end has the little roots on it.

No...my fingernails are NOT black...but it sure looks like it here!

And the top doesn't.

Those pretty highlights on that onion skin are so nice. I might be inspired to paint an onion.

Step Three.

Starting at the top end, peel back the top couple of layers down toward the bottom.  And then, just leave them alone, because they are about to become your bff's!  Your best friends forever!!!

Step Four.

Make your first horizontal cut.

Repeat that for as many times as you want...depending on the size you want your dice to be.  Here's my next cut.

Oh Lordy!  Look at those purple fingers!!  No, don't look!  I'm so embarrassed.

Step Five.

Make vertical cuts as far apart as you want them all the way across the onion.  Well, actually, they wouldn't be real vertical cuts...but don't get picky with me, ok?

I know...the right word is perpendicular.....but I'm trying to break that 'P' habit!

Step Six.

Chop Away!!!!

I'm all done...and look how nicely the peeled back top held everything together!

And this is all that's left!  Except for all those lovely diced onions and those colorful red and green bell peppers!

Now, I can make the 'tater salad.  Since I keep referring to it as 'tater salad, you have probaby guessed that I am not a Yankee.  Therefore, mine is made with lots of mustard.  If it ain't yeller as a bowl o' sunshine, it ain't 'tater salad!  And I use Miracle Whip because I don't like mayonnaise.  So shoot me.

And one more thing.  If you've known about this onion chopping trick since you were a wee child at your mother's knee, please keep it to yourself.  I would hate to think I am the only ignoramus in the world when it comes to onion chopping awareness.

Thank you.

I'd be most GRATEFUL.